Love Languages: The Psychology and Science Behind Why They Matter

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Picture this: You're in a relationship, and things are generally going well. But every now and then, you feel like you and your partner are speaking entirely different languages. Well, you might not be too far off. Enter the fascinating world of Love Languages! We're not talking about the SZA song, but a science-backed approach to understanding the way you give and receive love. Let's dive in.

The Love Language Lowdown

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Before we delve into the psychology and science behind Love Languages, let's do a quick Love Languages 101. Dr. Gary Chapman is the guru behind this concept, and he says there are five main love languages that help us express and understand love better:

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1. Words of Affirmation: You're all about those sweet words of encouragement, compliments, and those 'I love you's.'
2. Quality Time: Nothing says 'I love you' like undivided attention. Forget the smartphone; they want you fully present, engaged, and making memories together.
3. Receiving Gifts: Some people genuinely feel loved when they receive gifts. It's not about the price tag; it's about the thought and effort behind the gift.
4. Acts of Service: This love language is all about actions speaking louder than words. Doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or helping with chores.
5. Physical Touch: Hugs, kisses, cuddles, and holding hands are the way to go for those who speak the language of physical touch.

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Words of Affirmation: Because Words Matter

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Words of affirmation are a love language that emphasizes the importance of verbal expressions of love and appreciation. Lots of us shy away from compliments, but they can make others feel amazing, especially our loved ones. It's time to let go of inhibitions and make your feelings known.

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‍Parade have even written up 125 words of affirmation that you can take inspiration from, throw one of these out tonight and see what happens... to all of you "You look amazing!"

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Quality Time: It's About the 'Us' Time

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Quality time is a love language that prioritizes undistracted togetherness and meaningful interactions. It's not about clinginess, but spending time together can just be your thing, it makes you feel appreciated and connected to your partner

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If you live with your partner it can feel like you do spend a lot of time together, but this is really about quality and going the extra mile. Perhaps quality time to you means a weekend getaway just the two of you, or a candle-lit meal.

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Receiving Gifts: It's Not About the Bling

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Contrary to common belief, receiving gifts as a love language is not solely about the materialistic value of the gifts. Research published in the journal "Personal Relationships" by Goei and colleagues (2012) underscores the significance of thoughtful gift-giving in romantic relationships. The study found that thoughtful gift-giving, which reflects the consideration and effort put into selecting the gift, is positively associated with relationship satisfaction.

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It's the thought behind the gift that matters more than its size or price. This is why the Huffington Post names it the most "misunderstood" love language, so if this is you, no shame here.

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Acts of Service: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

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For individuals whose love language is acts of service, meaningful actions and deeds carry great importance. This can be completely mundane things like doing the dishes and tidying the house, or big acts, like planning a holiday.

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It's going to sound cheeky, but we think setting up OurCal for you and your partner is the ultimate act of service - having a shared calendar to share life, privately, can be transformative for your communication and connection. By setting up a shared calendar you're essentially saying "this life is ours, let's plan it together!"

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Physical Touch: Hugs, Kisses, and More

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Physical touch is a love language that emphasizes the importance of physical closeness and affection in a relationship. This can be intimate, or non-intimate, as discussed on the VeryWell Mind blog.

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If you're in a long-distance relationship, don't worry, there's ways to emulate the intimate feeling of touch on FaceTime, perhaps it's time to plan a virtual dinner date, or to carry around your partner's perfume, or steal that hoodie you've had your eye on.

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Why Do Love Languages Matter in Relationships?

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Now we know what each love language is, let's address the big question: Why do Love Languages matter in relationships?

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1. Improved Communication: Love Languages provide a framework for understanding how we give and receive love. This knowledge can help bridge communication gaps and prevent misunderstandings.
2. Strengthened Bonds: Speaking your partner's Love Language shows that you care and are invested in their happiness. This strengthens emotional bonds and builds trust.
3. Enhanced Intimacy: When you're attuned to your partner's Love Language, you're more likely to create moments of intimacy that resonate with them. This can lead to a deeper connection.
4. Less Drift: Over time, relationships can lose their spark. Love Languages help reignite the flame by reminding us to show love in ways that truly matter to our partner.
5. Shared Happiness: Research consistently shows that couples who understand and cater to each other's Love Languages tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.

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In the ever-evolving world of love and relationships, understanding Love Languages is like having a secret decoder ring. It's not about being a mind-reader; it's about learning how to express and receive love in ways that resonate with your partner.

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So, whether you're into sweet words, quality time, thoughtful gifts, acts of service, or physical touch, remember that knowing and speaking your partner's Love Language can make all the difference. So go ahead, start speaking the language of love, and watch your relationship flourish like never before!

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Every successful relationship is grounded in connection and communication. ‍This is why we built OurCal, the shared calendar app helping couples share life, privately.